November 14, 2013

This Net


Yesterday I baked my first successful loaves of sourdough bread from the Tartine Bread recipe. There is plenty of room for improvement, but the bread was good. Especially paired with tomato soup and then made into grilled cheese. I hope this means I'll get back into a bread baking routine. I think that is do-able.

I've just realized that we are right in the middle of November. I've been feeling the first pricks of excitement for the upcoming holidays. For most of my life I have hated to even consider Christmas until Thanksgiving is over. This time of year flies by just as fast as the rest of the year but there are more things to make and do and plan and I want to enjoy all of it without feeling too hectic. So I am letting myself think ahead. Right now my thoughts are: there's not enough time! how will I sell all my calendars! how will I make and do everything I want to and still enjoy the season!

I find myself again and again in this net, struggling between wanting to enjoy things as they are and wanting to do more. I know I will never be in this place in my life again so I want to sink into it and be immersed in these moments that will never return. But I also want to keep moving forward with my creative work and my sense of purpose that goes beyond the present moment. I'm sure I will always be caught in this tension between wanting to relax and enjoy and wanting to do more and do better.

Maybe it is like baking this bread: keep trying and it will get better, keep enjoying the results.

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