Here

Our daughter, Eowyn, was born on May 3. She's growing so fast.  Amos is madly in love with his little sister and we have been getting the hang of life as a family of four.

I am eager to get back to writing and creating but, except for some cooking and baking, I have found less and less time when I can do these things. But, as I sit on the porch under the big maple tree, rocking one baby and watching the other dig in the dirt, I am so very aware that this period of time is finite. It is not easy, but when I can appreciate what I have, I do.

Most days feel as exhausting as a long day of planting seedlings in a field, bent over, moving awkwardly down the rows. As soon as I close my eyes I am in a deep sleep but if somebody needs me, I'll be up and going. This feeling of physical endurance is accompanied by the small satisfaction that, more or less, I can handle the task. Rarely is it pretty or graceful but we make it through the days mostly intact.

Eowyn has only been here for a little over six weeks but I have come to know her sounds, her expressions, and her rhythms almost without realizing it. It surprises me to know her so well since I can't often give her the full focus that I could with my first child. While I am in no hurry for her to grow up, I do wonder about what this little seed of a human holds and how she will sprout and grow and blossom, what she will be like and look like.

I will say it one more time and you don't have to believe it or feel it, but right now I do: this time is so fleeting. It is the longest shortest. I want capture every moment and my many many thoughts before they disappear in a cloud of exhaustion and I want to be in it without trying to pin anything down, knowing it really will never happen again. Inevitably, I will be left with blurred memories but for now I try to mostly feel grateful that I am here.

Binding it together

My latest quilting endeavor is, of course, for our baby, due in about 8 weeks. I didn't have a specific pattern in mind but while browsing for ideas I came across the disappearing nine patch. I chose nine fabrics that I loved because they contrast with and compliment each other so well. My favorites are probably the three that I couldn't resist from a collection called faraway forest by Lizzie Mackay. I don't often choose fabrics that are meant to go to together but the squirrels and mushrooms and flowers were the beginning of my color inspiration for this quilt.

To make the disappearing nine patch, I stitched together blocks of nine, with one square of each different fabric. Then I cut each nine patch into quarters. These new blocks can be used to create patterns and shapes by putting the colors together but that's not really my style. Instead, I put the blocks together somewhat randomly and then refined that randomness until it seemed just right. I love the way that a lack of symmetry or complete pattern keeps me gazing for longer and searching to make sense of it visually. I think of lying in bed when I was young and staring at the cracks in the ceiling or a design on the wall, letting my eyes and mind wander. I am more intrigued by something when I want to keep looking at it then when I can see the pattern right away.

I loved choosing the fabric and the simple process of creating the squares but I have to admit that the final result was not quite what I had hoped for. Too much orange? Too random? Either way, I enjoyed the process immensely. I find it hard to believe how much I enjoy the simple meditative act of hand quilting those long straight rows. It is more than just the back and forth between layers of fabric, I think I love the feeling of binding things together. Connecting, strengthening and putting the tiniest bit of myself into it.

There will be love and warmth

I made this quilt for our friends' baby. I thought it would be finished and arrive on their doorstep weeks before he was due, but he couldn't wait to see the world and arrived much earlier than expected. Now I hope he will be home before the quilt gets there.

My design for this quilt was inspired by the fanfare baby blanket that I somehow discovered via Made By Rae. It is a simple design, but a chance to choose fun fabrics and colors. Unlike a quilt for a larger bed, a baby quilt doesn't have to have a timeless pattern or last forever. The design can be simple or more detailed because is it is a very manageable size. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get point of each triangle perfectly shaped and I didn't, but I am still happy with the way the quilt turned out. I especially love the lines of hand quilting in between the sections of triangles.

It means a lot to me to give things that have been handmade with care, even if every corner is not completely perfect. Baby quilts will be dragged around, washed repeatedly, and, hopefully, loved until they are worn and threadbare. I can't help but think of the way this is connected to parenting: you do your best, it won't be perfect, but there will be abundant love and warmth.

The quilt I made for Amos before he was born was used as a play mat for several months. He's slept  under it most nights for the past year or more. I have mended the frayed seams and I look forward to making him another quilt when he needs one to cover a bigger bed. Now, I am searching for inspiration or a pattern that I am excited about because I need to make another quilt very soon for our baby who will be here in a couple of months.